Living in Faith

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What does it mean when you hear people say, "you just gotta have faith?"  It often just seems like some sort of platitude, or something to say when you don't really know what to say.  Many times you say it thinking that if it's said, it will be true.

But what about those times where even saying those words feels false, not enough, or just plain ridiculous? Do you feel as if you can't even imagine how God would take care of the situation?  We are at our wits end, can't think straight, or just overwhelmed with what is happening in our lives.  In those times, what do we do?

Recently, I experienced a dead in.  You know, the "can't move another inch" dead in.  I was stuck.  Nothing seemed right; everything seemed like it was just on remote control; and, I was frozen!  I often wonder if it is my age or stage of life that is bringing me to these types of feelings.  Maybe middle age really does come with emotional baggage after all!

During this time, I felt as if I could just step off the road called life and let it happen on autopilot.  My prayer life was stagnant; no answers to prayers were forthcoming; and, I was not "feeling" movement in my life.  Further, I was watching friends and family go through huge difficulties with no solution in sight.  "Where are you God?" was my constant prayer.

I spoke to a couple of close friends about what I was feeling.  Yes, they were sympathetic, but no real answers.  It seems that we all go through this time, and what I mean is, GO THROUGH!  No one had a quick fix or simple solution.  You gotta just ride with it, one friend told me.

So, did I get "through" to the other side?  But of course I did!  As I look back I realize that God was carrying me.  He wants me to come alongside Him and allow Him to lead me.  Why do I always go to others first or my own solutions when I really need to go to Him?

A couple of months ago I was convicted to take time to memorize scripture.  I am not good at this and taking on the challenge is in fact that; at challenge.  Based on what I had been feeling in this stage of life I thought I would learn the full text of Psalm 23.  A student at heart, I researched how best to memorize scripture and what I came up with was this; take it a line at a time, write it down, note what it means to you, and say it over and over again.  For days on end!  I hate to say this, but two months later I am still only up to verse four.  But what a verse:

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

I may not be walking through the worst time of my life, but the valley I am experiencing is one of slow movement, unknowns, and change.  Yet, I am feeling God's presence.  He is walking this with me. Leading and guiding. I often feel as if I am wearing a blindfold, but God isn't. He is out front, hand in hand, showing me the way.  And for that, I must be thankful.

There are many changes coming on the horizon for this gal.  I will continue to give them to the Lord.  I know from experience that trying to do things on my own never works out!  My goal is to finish my memorization of the 23rd Psalm, but if I have to stay camped out on verse four for a while longer, I most certainly will.  I always want to be where God is.  Even in the valley.........






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