Empty Nest Part 2 - Who Really Cares?

Eli - Year Two Departure to College!

Last year at this time I wrote about our youngest leaving for his first year of college.  The empty nest began.  We managed to survive and even thrive during his time away from us.  He came home for the summer, worked hard, navigated our home rules, and made it to the end basically unscathed!

Instead of the family packing up two vehicles and heading as a pack to move him into his dorm, this youngest of ours packed his own truck, got it serviced, and headed out on a Friday morning for the three hour drive to school....alone!

I said my official goodbyes the night before, but had to sneak into his room early Friday morning to give him a last hug, words of wisdom, and pray over him before I left for work.  I was in a hurry that day as I had a full list of things to do at the office.  It wasn't until I walked in the door Friday afternoon that I saw the gaps, the holes, the emptiness.  I reluctantly went up to his room to look around.  He had actually made his bed, picked up the stuff off of the floor and left the bathroom in semi-acceptable condition!  No more boxes, shoes on the floor, empty styrofoam drink cups, trash and boys' bathroom messes.

A feeling of relief came over me.  We made it through the summer.  Our nest is empty once again.  Whew!  And now, we pray he can figure it all out, find his classes, order his books, and make fast friends with his new roommates.  By the time Saturday arrived, I was all about cleaning, organizing and making things look halfway normal once again.  My husband and I celebrated making it through this next phase of our lives by enjoying brunch at a very nice restaurant and  a day filled with errands.  Together.

But then Sunday evening came.  As I was driving home from the airport after dropping off my husband for a very long trip, it hit me. There was no "pomp and circumstance" in sending a child off to college his/her second year.  In fact, there seems to be the assumption that all is okay.  The "nest" is still in tact and mamas have already had their crying done when they left the first time.

It struck me that sending your baby off for year two creates other feelings that are completely unexpected!  For when you sent them off the first time and created an empty nest, those feelings are understandable.  Much is written and said about that stage of life.  People actually talk about it and offer words of encouragement!  But what about those of us who woke up one morning and realized that our babies have left our nests once again?  They are more grown up, more mature, and even have a different view of life and family.

I asked myself if I was sad, lonely, or worried.  I can't seem to identify with any of those descriptions.  As I pondered my feelings and emotions a bit longer I realized that what I was feeling was OLD!  Watching our children grow up, go to school, strike out on their own, and yes, even get married, creates a feeling of uselessness.  As a mama to four children, two of whom are boys; watching the boys grow up has been more about cutting the apron strings than creating lasting "adult" relationships.  They want to explore, try new things, and separate enough from family so as to get out from underneath the rules and restrictions of home living.

Our oldest son, who is now almost 27, seems to be coming around.  A college degree, a full time job and a girlfriend seems to have brought him full circle.  He actually likes to be with us!  Our time together is now about fostering friendships.  Woo-hoo!

As as for the one we just sent off to college for his second year; he is trying to make the space between us wider.  Testing the limits seems to be his current mode of operation.  But yet, he is sentimental and even affectionate.  He wants the closeness, but on his own terms and in his own timing.

So where does that leave me, a week in to not having our youngest at home for the second time?  A bit weary.  Trying to grasp how quickly time has flown by.  Sad in that I can't go back and redo some  of the things in my past as a mother.  And, just worn out!  Looking at the next chapter of my life I wonder how long will I continue to work?  What will my husband and I do once our home is truly a home for two permanently?  What does a family of "two" really look like? 

I truly think that moms who have said goodbye for the second time are wondering the same thing.  The first time they leave there is so much preparation, excitement, and things to do.  The second time is just that; here we go again!  Now what do I do?  Where do I fit in during this next chapter of our lives?

So, nothing earth shattering was discovered.  I think that this mama will just try to relax a bit more, enjoy the peace and quiet, and bask in a clean upstairs bathroom that just never seems to get dirty!

Direct your children onto the right path,
    and when they are older, they will not leave it.  Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)