Valentine's Day - Why is it so Stressful?
Imagine the shock we felt when we realized we had been doing holidays and birthdays all wrong for so many years. After a few laughs and sharing our revelation with those around us, we determined to change the way we do our celebrations. Did we figure it out? Not by a long shot!
We both realized that our primary love language is "quality time." So, how that applies to anniversaries and Valentine's Day is to do something together! We can go to a movie, out to dinner, or just hang out and we have satisfied this aspect of our need in our relationship. But oftentimes, why do we still feel as if we have missed the mark? We want to honor one another with our time and attention, but the world seems to interfere by telling us what we "need" in order to feel loved!
After being a child of God for so many years, I have finally come to the point where, after I stew about something for awhile, I decide to turn to Him for wisdom and guidance. In Matthew 6:33 it states: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." What does this have to do with marriage? At first glance, it seems that it does not apply. However, as believers in Christ, we are to make our sole purpose this endeavor. Seek Him and His righteousness. When we do so, we are promised that everything else will fall into place. Does this mean I will get everything I want on my wish list? No. But what we will receive is like-mindedness with God, harmony and peace in our homes, and, a God-centered view of the world in which we live.
So what is this supposed to look like in today's time of pressure to outdo others in our celebration of our marriages? Think Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram. Everyone posting about their "doings" for days such as anniversaries and Valentines Day. Feeling a bit inadequate after seeing a few of those? Like so many out there, creativity is not my strong suit. Organization, administration, and task accomplishment are my hot buttons! Hence, when it comes to those special days, it becomes more about getting the job done than in creating an actual event to be savored.
If I am supposed to be seeking after God, and striving to live my life glorifying Him, what can that do for my marriage? I will become less self-centered and more other-centered. My needs won't matter as much to me. I want the best for those around me, my spouse especially. I begin to see him through God's eyes.
In practical terms: I love my husband, but do I honor Him? Esteem him? Treat him as Christ calls me to? Do I redeem those bad times and misunderstandings? Do I give him the benefit of the doubt, that this "one" time of angry outbursts is not indicative of his being? And the same holds true for his manner towards me. Does he do the same?
Realizing that even after almost 35 years of marriage, there is still work to be done, can prove daunting. I mean, wouldn't we have this thing down by now? In speaking with other couples, I am learning that it is an ongoing endeavor. One worth doing, but work it is!
So where does that leave me, nearing Valentine's Day in 2018? I resolve to plan an activity for us to do together. Cook him his favorite meal, and just appreciate one another. Give him a blessing by sharing how much he means to me. As for the rest of the year, I resolve to continue to seek God's direction and wisdom on how to honor my spouse and to show love to him in ways that matter.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.. I Corinthians 13:4-8a
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